I don’t necessarily want the White Picket Fence anymore

I come up short whenever I attempt to look back on a time when I envisioned me walking down the isle to my missus or mister. I can however vividly remember drawing images of my future house. At least what I believed would be my future home once I came of age. All images always had a long staircase at the front porch, a beautiful bright floral flowerbed to the side and a tall oak tree with a swing in the middle of the compound.

Back then I did not understand anything to do with being a home owner, compound effects, mortgages, inflation, depreciation or land permits. I just knew I wanted to build a home…I didn’t get as far as picturing how life would be in it. Though of course I would be the main occupant of the house and I guess my own family. It brought me great joy sketching and coloring various variations of my abode. Sometimes going as far as highlighting details on the finishing of the roof, windows and doors. It would be a large one story house that would be my safe haven. An escape from all duties and responsibilities. Looking back I wonder who was to man the house; I may have subconsciously had a chef and a housekeeper.

Fast forward to over a decade later, countless syllabi, books, movies and life happening... I couldn’t be less interested in building a house. Before you go of thinking oh she’s lost it, allow me to clarify that I’m still very much interested in having a home of my own. Just not in building it, or it necessarily being in a large compound. This could partly be attributed to living in tiny apartments and at one point in the projects. The fact that life went on made it obvious living in a house you’ve built on your own is great but you could always rent, buy or move for the same result.

I have become a bit disillusioned too by the harsh realities of the state of the economy. It feels near impossible to raise enough capital to buy land and set up a structure on it, let alone build a house.

I’ve however come around to the conclusion that this may not be inherently bad. Why embark on the journey of building a home when you can buy and renovate? This may sound elitist considering I live in a country where affordable housing is still a problem but I’ve gotten to that point where I want my cake without baking it. I’d happily give specifications on what to put in the dough and how to decorate it but the most I want to do is cut the ready cake or maybe blow out some candles.

I don’t know where I’ll buy this dream home or how I’ll even do so but what I know for a fact is I’m no longer as thrilled about building it anymore. As I look back, I kind of miss the carefree visionary who drew those houses with the strong belief that her dream would materialise not knowing jack about building houses. It is however for the best that I’m more open to other avenues of accomplishing this goal.

I don’t know what to think of the fact that I’m not particularly either looking forward to having kids of my own anymore. All this means for now is even if I do get the house, it will have fewer occupants or I’ll need to sublet it. So I at times wonder if there’s a point in me acquiring a large home.

Blame it on society constructs of how and when to build a home.